now i regret to take journalism this course but no idea i have no way 2 turn back so juz continue my study..........(tis is my choice so i cant complain any 1)
but i dun wanna 2 change course because there are many things tat i scare................
i scare 2 remake friend with other course ppl cau they juz look like not so friendly.........
i scare after i change course wat was happened in sem 1 will repeat............
tis la tat la........
2day the journalism lecturer ask us go out n find out event tat will be oraganized in november whn i heard tis i was like blur edi..............(actually i was always blur n noob ok)
tis is an individual assignment i dunno either i can manege it or not.........
i really scare the lecturer will reject my coursework n ask me 2 re-do it............
without mabel n eris i really scare n feel like kind anxious...........
i admit tat i really terlalu rely on them edi........
therefore i always feel tat im their burden n in our assignment group i was like didnt do anything..........(i was kind of "nio gau")
everytime whn discuss assignmet through on9 o face-to-face i oso will like unresponsive...........
beside them i really juz like a kid(although im the older among 3 of us)............
tis feeling nvr appear b4 i meet them............
maybe i oso like tat kind of person (as a friend is ok but whn group together doing assignment hv problem)
everytime i go back 2 hometown my mum,my aunt,my uncle will keep asking me the same question was either i can follow the syllabus o not.........
i was kind of pressure lah...........
if i said cant 4 sure i will kena shot............
so everytime i juz answer "ok lah not,so bad lo wat the lecturer said at least i undersatnd lo."
then after all of them heard it was like "fong sum" n either continue thier previous topic o keep asking me another question like "do u think about ur future?u want 2 continue advance,degree,working o study in traning school since i can be a teacher?"
i was like so get mad in tis kind of question.......
im oso confusing about my future how cum i can answer tis kind of question?!
i found tat i began tension,nervous n even sometime i will lost control............
i wanna run away from stress,pressure n find a place tat can let me refresh my mind............
i wanna find some place to release o scream out all the thing tat hide in my mind n heart..........
i need somebody support me,heartan me o even hudge me oso can(to show support)..........
i scare tat kind of indescribable lonely,tis make me feel like im living in my own world cant walk out............
i really tired edi..........
is there anyone lend me his/her shoulder????